Is There A Difference
I believe the answer to the first question is emphatically yes. As Elder Bednar stated:
"One of the greatest indicators of our own spiritual maturity is revealed in how we respond to the weaknesses, the inexperience, and the potentially offensive actions of others. A thing, an event, or an expression may be offensive, but you and I can choose not to be offended." --Elder Bednar
The Difference
I see offensiveness and taking offense as two separate, chronological events. Prior to either of these, there is an action -- an event that one observes or is made aware of. A person then may interpret or "find" this event as "offensive". This is step one. The next step is choosing whether or not to take offense.
Finding Something Offensive
In my study and experience, I am not aware of any direct condemnation for interpreting something as "offensive". Irreverent actions or speech toward that which one considers sacred will always be considered offensive to that person. Indeed, sin is offensive to God. (See JSH 1:28 and D&C 59:21) It is my personal belief that the more our life is aligned with the Spirit, we will find more and more sin offensive and less and less righteousness offensive. Still, I've found no prophetic condemnation for where we are on this spectrum unless you count 3Ne 12:48/Matthew 5:48. Where I have seen plenty of consequential promise is in how we act based on our findings.
The Choice
What follows our interpretation of offense is a choice: to take offense or not to take offense. The most pronounced difference between these is to be found within the soul of the individual. When one takes offense or "is offended", the fruits resemble a feeling of resentment, bitterness, begrudgement (is that a word?), or anger. When one finds something offensive but does not take offense, the fruits resemble inner discomfort, physical sickness, sorrow, or a loving grief.
Why It Matters
The reason I bring this up is to dismiss the notion that we can excuse an offensive word or behavior by placing the blame on the one who finds it offensive. This blame casting changes our view of one who finds something offensive into one who has taken offense. Ironically then, we are likely to take offense because another person found our words or actions offensive, even if they never took offense themselves!
What I specifically want to observe though are the consequences that the potential offender often misinterprets when one finds offense, but does not take offense. Consider a moment something or someone you consider sacred. Perhaps it is something religious, perhaps it is a spouse or a parent, perhaps a child. If someone were to berate and openly blaspheme against that thing or person in ways that are utterly offensive to you, and you choose NOT to take offense, what will you do? How are you likely to behave? I would suggest that you would withdraw -- that you would remove yourself from the situation in some way because it saddens and/or hurts you.
Now reverse the roles; you said or did something that was offensive to another. You see them slowly withdraw in their relationship with you. Perhaps they "unfriend" you on Facebook, the nerve! Do you now take offense because you assume they took offense? Do you demean the person so as to justifiably dismiss the relationship? These are hard questions, but honest introspection can be a great blessing.
Conclusion
It comes down to this. It is possible to find something offensive and not take offense. The natural and common reaction in this situation is to seek to at least quarantine if not completely remove that which is offensive from our lives. When we offend God, even "the heavens withdraw themselves [and] the Spirit of the Lord is grieved" D&C 131:37.
Note then, that if you blatantly say or do offensive things, please do not blame others for wanting to distance themselves from you. It is not necessarily because they have taken offense but rather they are acting out of self-preservation, and you may find that they are grieved to do so.
The reason I bring this up is to dismiss the notion that we can excuse an offensive word or behavior by placing the blame on the one who finds it offensive. This blame casting changes our view of one who finds something offensive into one who has taken offense. Ironically then, we are likely to take offense because another person found our words or actions offensive, even if they never took offense themselves!
What I specifically want to observe though are the consequences that the potential offender often misinterprets when one finds offense, but does not take offense. Consider a moment something or someone you consider sacred. Perhaps it is something religious, perhaps it is a spouse or a parent, perhaps a child. If someone were to berate and openly blaspheme against that thing or person in ways that are utterly offensive to you, and you choose NOT to take offense, what will you do? How are you likely to behave? I would suggest that you would withdraw -- that you would remove yourself from the situation in some way because it saddens and/or hurts you.
Now reverse the roles; you said or did something that was offensive to another. You see them slowly withdraw in their relationship with you. Perhaps they "unfriend" you on Facebook, the nerve! Do you now take offense because you assume they took offense? Do you demean the person so as to justifiably dismiss the relationship? These are hard questions, but honest introspection can be a great blessing.
Conclusion
It comes down to this. It is possible to find something offensive and not take offense. The natural and common reaction in this situation is to seek to at least quarantine if not completely remove that which is offensive from our lives. When we offend God, even "the heavens withdraw themselves [and] the Spirit of the Lord is grieved" D&C 131:37.
Note then, that if you blatantly say or do offensive things, please do not blame others for wanting to distance themselves from you. It is not necessarily because they have taken offense but rather they are acting out of self-preservation, and you may find that they are grieved to do so.
I agree.
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