Consistency and Principles in Political Views

One of Stephen Covey's Seven Habits of Effective People is "seek first to understand, then to be understood."

This is a principle of healthy relationships and of humanity at large. Online social media would be a much friendlier place if this principle were more widely applied!

In an effort to live this principle in the political space, I've often asked people questions about their views and beliefs, especially when contrary to my own. I've found I much prefer discussion to debate and understanding to competition. Not that I don't have some of the competitive edge in me, but I value understanding much, much more.

As I've considered various political views, my own have drifted further and further toward libertarianism. The views themselves I will likely include in other posts; at the moment, I'm more interested in exploring why my views have gone that direction.

One of my great fears in life is being in the wrong. I... hate it. And yet, it's not like I'm unfamiliar with the experience.

Still, this has driven me to seeking logical and philosophical soundness in my ideas and views. Politically speaking, libertarianism holds a lot of appeal here; namely, it's consistent.

It seems that most Republicans and Democrats (and often Independents), whether they consider themselves conservative, liberal, or moderate, seem to struggle with consistency. This is most pronounced in the two major parties.

Politicians today are pressured to adapt their views for so many things, be it public opinion, party solidarity, campaign funding, lobbying, other remunerations some above board, some not, and on and on. It's widely accepted that politicians largely yield to all these pressures and more. It seems a moral failing to me that we, as a people, elect and re-elect such politicians.

Libertarianism is different--it's consistent. Now, to be clear, I'm not talking about the Libertarian party. I'm talking about libertarianism (lower case 'l') as a philosophy.

It's tempting at the moment to explore the principles of libertarianism, but to stay true to the focus of this post, I'll try to only touch on them lightly. Actually, this last sentence holds the key to why I think libertarianism is consistent: it's not based on opinions and facts around issues, it's based on principles.

The principles that frame libertarian ideas are principles like non-aggression, agency, individual sovereignty, and the proper role of government.

When people discuss (or debate) political views, they often come up with "but then what about x-y-z?" When I tried to discuss the views I grew up with (classical Republican, so-called conservative), I found it hard to navigate without internal indicators going off saying "that's not quite a true representation of things."

When I first watched Republican debates with Ron Paul, I didn't yet agree with his ideas, but I was drawn to him because he obviously did not play the games that other politicians did. He was clear, and he was consistent. I'd laugh because, even though I didn't agree, I thought he made the other candidates look like laughing stocks! (Amusing considering many considered him the laughing stock. I now think that was a deliberately orchestrated tactic as it was the only one available to Republican party leaders who didn't like him.)

All this caused me much pause and reflection. As I heard more libertarian-type arguments in my discussions and listening, I found myself drawn to their consistency. After a time, I began to argue their point of view for the sake of testing out their ideas. As I did, I found my arguments more and more persuasive because I didn't have any of those alarm bells going off! The viewpoints (I wouldn't claim them as mine yet at that time) came out sound, time after time. I had concerns come up sometimes, some "but what about this situation?" type ideas, but with some thought, I was each time able to find a sound conclusion within libertarian ideas. By sound, I mean logically consistent.

Since then, I've studied more and have much yet to learn. Yet I've experienced enough to feel confident in saying that libertarian principles of government are morally, ethically, and logically sound.

Happy Wife, Happy Life... and, Happy Life, Happy Wife

Not long ago my nephew Nate got married to his beautiful bride, Rebecca. It was a lovely experience as weddings often are. At the luncheon, there was a time for open-mic to tell stories and give advice. I didn't offer any advice at that time, but it got me thinking, and here's what I would probably say if I had the chance to go re-live the experience.

Some people say "happy wife, happy life." While it holds some merit, this phrase is incomplete. Yes, "happy wife, happy life," but also, "happy life, happy wife."

Rebecca, when you met Nate, I'm pretty confident you weren't thinking along the lines of "oh, he's just so... pathetic! He has no hope in life of being happy or... anything unless I go save him from himself!" Mmmm... nope! And visa-versa, Nate, right?  You fell in love because the other person brought something to the relationship--they had something to offer that was attractive to you.

Nate, Rebecca's going to have a bad day sometimes. At least once a month is predictable, but probably more than that too, right? If you think it's your job to make her happy, then it won't take you long to become a failure. And visa-versa, this all goes both ways, right? Before long, when she has a bad day, you'll let it drag you down and you'll have a bad day too, because "if the doña ain't happy, nobody's happy." Right?

But what are you really doing? You're pushing the responsibility for your own happiness on to her. Pretty soon, she's going to resent that. She'll feel like she isn't allowed to have a bad day because if she does, then you will too, and it'll all be her fault. For the record... that's not very romantic!

So Nate, don't think it's your responsibility to make her happy, and don't think it's her responsibility to make you happy. It isn't. Your happiness is your own responsibility! It's something you generate, you create, and you bring it as an offering to your marriage. "Only when you're at home inside yourself do you have someplace good to invite your spouse to visit."*

When Rebecca has a bad day, of course you care for her--love is all about having an anxious concern for her well-being!** But you don't care for her by putting on your grumpy pants! You do it by holding on to your own self, your own happiness, without trying to force it on to her. Let her be grumpy! And you be happy. And when she's feeling better, she'll love you all the more for it.

And visa-versa.

* From Passionate Marriage by Dr. David Schnarch, p.180
** From quote: "True love is not so much a matter of romance as it is a matter of anxious concern for the well-being of one's companion." --Gordon B. Hinckley

Faith, Repentance, and The Gospel

Do you ever wish in your heart to draw closer to God? Do you wish it seemed easy?

I do. I desire this. Sometimes it seems easy, and often it seems afar off, but ultimately this is what the Gospel of Jesus Christ is all about.

John recorded the Savior saying "And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent." (17:3)

Elder Bruce R. McConkie expounded “It is one thing to know about God and another to know Him. We know [the Father and the Son], in the sense of gaining eternal life, when we enjoy and experience the same things they do. To know God is to think what he thinks, to feel what he feels, to have the power he possesses, to comprehend the truths he understands, and to do what he does. Those who know God become like him, and have his kind of life!” (Bruce R. McConkie, Doctrinal New Testament Commentary, 3 vols., Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1965–73, 1:762.)

 I want to look at this idea for a moment-- to have God's kind of life. That seems so astounding! I believe achieving this all begins with two principles: faith and repentance.

In my attempt to illustrate this, I'll begin with a story.

Have you ever experienced wanting to pretend something didn't exist? Like dirty dishes, for example? And when no bowls are clean for your cereal, you grab a tupperware instead, all while never looking at the sink even as you go back again for the milk? It's like you cover your eyes or plug your ears and sing "la-la-la-la! I'm not liiiiiisteniiiiing!!" You simply didn't want to face it!

Well, when I was a young father, I had something like that, and it felt... heavy, and scary, and even wrong and bad. I didn't want to look at it, but I... I wasn't so sure I wanted to be a dad. It was a bit late for that, granted--I already had two kids! I was doing my best by them, but I hated it. Being a dad was hard, exhausting, unpleasant, distracting, and just didn't seem worth it! But at least I loved my kids... right? I was scared to admit to myself that I wasn't so sure.

Beliefs and Faith

It's my experience that we, as people, act as though what we believe is true regardless of its veracity.

Let's look at Lehi's family. After Lehi's dream in chapter eight, Nephi "desired to know the things that [his] father had seen, and believing that the Lord was able to make them known unto [him], as [he] sat pondering in [his] heart [he] was caught away in the Spirit of the Lord" and shown the vision. (1 Nephi 11:1)

But what about Laman and Lemuel? They were arguing about what some of their Dad's vision meant, and Nephi comes and asks "have ye inquired of the Lord?" Their response was "we have not; for the Lord maketh no such thing known unto us." (1 Ne 15:8-9)

I can only imagine what Nephi must have been thinking at this moment. I imagine his hands covering and pulling down on his face while thinking "are. you. freaking. KIDDING ME?! Y... y... YOU DIDN'T EVEN ASK!!!"

But of course they didn't ask. They didn't ask because they believed God wouldn't tell them. Regardless of the veracity of this, they acted as though what they believed was true. And was it? It was true because they made it so; it was a self -fulfilling prophecy.
(Do I know if God would have revealed it to them if they had asked? No, I don't personally, but 1 Nephi 10:18-19 answers that question sufficiently.)

So what do we have here? Well, Nephi acted according to his belief and Laman and Lemuel acted according to their belief. In other words, they each exercised faith and obtained the fruits thereof.

"If men were duly to consider themselves and turn their thoughts and reflections to the operations of their own minds, they would readily discover that it is faith, and faith only, which is the moving cause of all action in them; that without it both mind and body would be in a state of inactivity, and all their exertions would cease, both physical and mental." --Joseph Smith Jr. (Lectures on Faith, Lecture First)

So what beliefs do you put faith in? Have you chosen into some, however unwittingly, that keep you from being like God? From having His kind of life? Of course you have. We all have.

For me, some of these beliefs were "fatherhood sucks," "my kids hold me back from doing what I want to do," "my kids prevent me from living my dreams," "I don't know how to be a dad," "my kids are only a burden," "being a dad isn't worth it," etc. etc. etc.

I didn't want to look at them though. One I particularly didn't want to look at was "the only way to show something's important to you is to get mad about it; if I'm not mad, I must not care." Yikes!

Beliefs about Self

Some of the most common beliefs that hold us down are related to how we see ourselves and our worth.

One of the core beliefs that church doctrine and culture try to pound into us is who we are. I am a child of God is perhaps our most well known hymn, young women recite "I am a beloved daughter of Heavenly Parents" each week, and the young men's theme begins similarly: "I am a beloved son of God."

And yet how common are the beliefs "I'm not good enough," "I can't do anything right," "I'm stupid/dumb/an idiot," "I'm worthless," "I'm a bad Mom," "I must be one of the worst fathers ever," etc.

Is this "think[ing] what [God] thinks" or "feel[ing] what He feels"? No, of course not. "But I'm not perfect like God yet," you might say, "my actions aren't like His yet." Agreed. But remember Joseph Smith's quote above? Your beliefs do not come from your actions; your actions stem from your beliefs. That's what faith is all about.

So consider President Monson's advice: “Don’t limit yourself and don’t let others convince you that you are limited in what you can do. Believe in yourself and then live so as to reach your possibilities. You can achieve what you believe you can. Trust and believe and have faith.” (Living the Abundant Life, Ensign, January 2012)

I mentioned my belief that "the only way to show something's important to you is to get mad about it; if I'm not mad, I must not care." Let's look at what putting faith into this belief, especially in already insecure context, looked like.

I was scared that I might not love my kids as I thought I should, so to prove to myself that I did, I essentially had to live mad at them. If I was mad at them, then I could feel okay about myself because surely I loved them. See how sick and twisted this can get? It's insane!

"The moving cause of all action" is faith. So when you do something, what beliefs are you exercising faith in?

Faith Unto Repentance

So far, we've talked about faith in a general sense, but the first principle of the gospel of Jesus Christ is not simply faith, it's "faith in the Lord Jesus Christ." Why?

What beliefs must you have in order to exercise faith in Jesus? Here are a few that come to mind:

1. He successfully performed the Atonement, paying the price for your sins
2. As the Mediator, He has set the terms of salvation and mercy
3. His terms include you trying to become like Him through the gift of repentance
4. Salvation is something desirable

Amulek invites us to "exercise your faith unto repentance" (Alma 34:17). How could we do this without these fundamental beliefs in Christ?

Repentance is often viewed as a way to shame ourselves out of wicked behavior into righteousness. This is a counterfeit. Even the idea of repenting of behavior is a misnomer. Actions are a result, not a cause. Repenting of actions is like avoiding getting wet while swimming by making the water less moist. Repentance isn't a behavior thing, it's a heart thing. We don't repent of actions, we repent of beliefs, which then may change behavior.

For me, this meant facing my beliefs about fatherhood.

It wasn't until I looked more deeply at my angry behavior and way of being that I realized the belief driving it. When I was able to put words to it, I realized that this idea of "the only way to show something's important to you is to get mad about it; if I'm not mad, I must not care," was ludicrous. But how to change it?

President Packer offered an insight when he said "I’ve had to evict some thoughts a hundred times before they would stay out. I have never been successful until I have put something edifying in their place." (October Conference 1977, The Balm of Gilead) 

So what could I replace it with? What could I do to show I care that could be just as, if not more effective than anger? It probably seems obvious to you, reader, but I had to labor over it some time before I realized that love was, quite literally in this case, the answer.

So I decided to adopt a new belief, a belief that said "the best way to show something's important to me is to show love about it." But the belief alone is insufficient, I needed to experiment upon the word, to exercise faith. I decided I would pour love into things that were important to me.

When kids color on the wall, show love. When they pour milk and cereal and hardly eat it and leave it out most the day -- show love. When poop gets everywhere! -- show love. When they are disobedient and defiant -- show love. This is putting faith into a new belief. This is putting faith unto repentance. This is what faith in Christ looks like in practice.

Repentance is not behavioral therapy, repentance is heart therapy.

Conclusion

President Uchtdorf said "seeing ourselves clearly is the beginning of wisdom." (General Conference, October 2014, Lord is it I?) We need Christ to see ourselves clearly. He is the courage giver, granting us the grace and strength to face ourselves! He is the hope giver so we can emotionally survive the experience! To change, we need Him; we need Him to become like Him.

So no, repentance is not about shame, it's about love, and if seeing ourselves clearly is the beginning of wisdom, then loving ourselves wholly is the beginning of accountability. In the words of Brad Wilcox, "it's not about earning heaven, it's about learning heaven." ( https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/brad-wilcox/his-grace-is-sufficient/ -- this, by the way, is one of the most amazing talks ever)

If the purpose of the gospel of Jesus Christ is to help us become like Him, is it any wonder that faith and repentance are the first principles of the gospel?

I have a long, long way to go yet to learn the practices of divine fatherhood. So far, I've learned to deeply love and care for my children's well-being. I'm ever so humbled and grateful for the opportunity to be their father, and to continue learning how to be better at it.