In any power struggle there can be no victor, for while one may conquer the behavior of another, the character and souls of both are degraded and diminished.
The only way to come out unscathed if coerced into struggle is to struggle not for power, but for the liberty of both parties.
A power struggle is a symptom of individual hearts at war, be they parent and child, spouse and spouse, or nation and nation. A heart may even be at war with oneself.
Hearts at war and their symptomatic power struggles serve only to pull down the human race; when one of us is degraded, all of us are degraded, and when one of us improves, we are all better off.
A body may be at war while the heart is at peace and a heart may be at war while the body is at peace, nonetheless where the heart is the body will eventually follow.
A heart at peace strives for meaning while a heart at war strives for lust, usually a lust of power.
A family with hearts at peace lift each other while a family with hearts at war resist each other. Phrased another way, a family with hearts at peace pull together (i.e. pull with each other in a constructive manner that lifts the whole) while a family with hearts at war pull against each other.
This is all nice and good, but how do we maintain a heart at peace? How do we resist a power struggle?
Much could be said here, and I recommend the following two books:
* The Anatomy of Peace by the Arbinger Institute
* Parenting a House United by Nicholeen Peck
At this time I will only add that clarity helps. If we know what we want most -- peace over power, kindness over being right, love over fear, calm over frustration -- and we have faith and confidence regarding what to do in any given situation to obtain these, then we will obtain them.
Others may continually invite us to a power struggle, but in our hearts we can always choose a peaceful engagement.
Friday, April 17, 2015
Monday, April 13, 2015
Everyone Is My Teacher
Often my posts here are inspired from an insight during scripture study, and as this is no different, I begin by quoting the scripture of note:
Has anyone ever criticized you? How did it go? Let me dig in a little more specific.
Has anyone ever criticized you for something so ridiculous, you sincerely laughed it off without a care because you knew they had no concept of what they were saying -- you knew the criticism was completely baseless?
Has anyone ever criticized you for something utterly ridiculous, yet it still stung?
I believe the following two thoughts are principles of happiness, i.e. if we live by these principles, we must be happier, and if we do not, we must be less happy:
When we hear something that we "take to be hard," a common reaction is to shoot the messenger. That is, we begin saying things like: "Who are they to talk?", "They ought to look at the beam in their own eye first!", or "I can't believe she said that, did you hear that? That was the rudest..." and on and on.
However, what we often will not do, is look inward and ask, is it true of me?
Because we take it to be hard, we want to murmur against it rather than consider it. Yet President Dieter F. Uchtdorf shared this fantastic insight: "seeing ourselves clearly is the beginning of wisdom." (General Coference, October 2014)
What I see in these verses is this concept: if someone says something that triggers us to temper, even if not an outright accusation, this indicates a flaw inside of us that we are likely trying to hide from the world... and even more likely, from ourselves.
If we will make everyone our teacher, however, then we can recognize that initial flare as guidance leading us to introspection, seeking what weakness is hidden within us. This will lead us to greater wisdom as we take that weakness before the Lord and seek His enabling grace.
We are none of us perfect, and these verses offer us an insight into finding our blind spots -- finding our wickedness -- that through Christ, we may root it out.
And now it came to pass that after I, Nephi, had made an end of speaking to my brethren, behold they said unto me: Thou hast declared unto us hard things, more than we are able to bear.
And it came to pass that I said unto them that I knew that I had spoken hard things against the wicked, according to the truth; and the righteous have I justified, and testified that they should be lifted up at the last day; wherefore, the guilty taketh the truth to be hard, for it cutteth them to the very center.
And now my brethren, if ye were righteous and were willing to hearken to the truth, and give heed unto it, that ye might walk uprightly before God, then ye would not murmur because of the truth, and say: Thou speakest hard things against us.
(1 Nephi 16:1-3, emphasis added)This intrigues me.
Has anyone ever criticized you? How did it go? Let me dig in a little more specific.
Has anyone ever criticized you for something so ridiculous, you sincerely laughed it off without a care because you knew they had no concept of what they were saying -- you knew the criticism was completely baseless?
Has anyone ever criticized you for something utterly ridiculous, yet it still stung?
I believe the following two thoughts are principles of happiness, i.e. if we live by these principles, we must be happier, and if we do not, we must be less happy:
- Accept in your mind that you live in a world where others get to make their own choices
- Make everyone your teacher
When we hear something that we "take to be hard," a common reaction is to shoot the messenger. That is, we begin saying things like: "Who are they to talk?", "They ought to look at the beam in their own eye first!", or "I can't believe she said that, did you hear that? That was the rudest..." and on and on.
However, what we often will not do, is look inward and ask, is it true of me?
Because we take it to be hard, we want to murmur against it rather than consider it. Yet President Dieter F. Uchtdorf shared this fantastic insight: "seeing ourselves clearly is the beginning of wisdom." (General Coference, October 2014)
What I see in these verses is this concept: if someone says something that triggers us to temper, even if not an outright accusation, this indicates a flaw inside of us that we are likely trying to hide from the world... and even more likely, from ourselves.
If we will make everyone our teacher, however, then we can recognize that initial flare as guidance leading us to introspection, seeking what weakness is hidden within us. This will lead us to greater wisdom as we take that weakness before the Lord and seek His enabling grace.
We are none of us perfect, and these verses offer us an insight into finding our blind spots -- finding our wickedness -- that through Christ, we may root it out.
Saturday, April 4, 2015
Tempted Above what we can Bear
"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." (1 Cor. 10:13)
An intriguing verse to be sure. Many people find comfort in this verse and, while I do as well, I also find responsibility in it.
First, as we grow in intelligence, spiritual strength, and stewardship, we will be exposed to greater temptation.
Second, God will make a way to escape temptation, but we must choose to take it! And note that the escape is such that we may well still bear the temptation, but we will escape from succumbing to it.
Expounding on the First:
When I was baptized at eight years old, I remember having a sense of disappointment thereafter because I didn't notice any mighty change or difference in my day to day life. I expected that, since Satan could tempt me, and that I had the Holy Ghost, I would suddenly become vividly aware of a great war! The idea somewhat excited my eight year old boy imagination. Instead, everything seemed, well, normal!
I suspect that this is largely aligned with this verse in Corinthians. It's as though Satan can only tempt us to the degree we are able to act. For example, he can't tempt you to read something naughty if you don't know how to read. He can try to whisper an evil idea into our minds, but if we are unable to comprehend the concept, there will be no temptation.
An intriguing verse to be sure. Many people find comfort in this verse and, while I do as well, I also find responsibility in it.
First, as we grow in intelligence, spiritual strength, and stewardship, we will be exposed to greater temptation.
Second, God will make a way to escape temptation, but we must choose to take it! And note that the escape is such that we may well still bear the temptation, but we will escape from succumbing to it.
Expounding on the First:
When I was baptized at eight years old, I remember having a sense of disappointment thereafter because I didn't notice any mighty change or difference in my day to day life. I expected that, since Satan could tempt me, and that I had the Holy Ghost, I would suddenly become vividly aware of a great war! The idea somewhat excited my eight year old boy imagination. Instead, everything seemed, well, normal!
I suspect that this is largely aligned with this verse in Corinthians. It's as though Satan can only tempt us to the degree we are able to act. For example, he can't tempt you to read something naughty if you don't know how to read. He can try to whisper an evil idea into our minds, but if we are unable to comprehend the concept, there will be no temptation.
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