In any power struggle there can be no victor, for while one may conquer the behavior of another, the character and souls of both are degraded and diminished.
The only way to come out unscathed if coerced into struggle is to struggle not for power, but for the liberty of both parties.
A power struggle is a symptom of individual hearts at war, be they parent and child, spouse and spouse, or nation and nation. A heart may even be at war with oneself.
Hearts at war and their symptomatic power struggles serve only to pull down the human race; when one of us is degraded, all of us are degraded, and when one of us improves, we are all better off.
A body may be at war while the heart is at peace and a heart may be at war while the body is at peace, nonetheless where the heart is the body will eventually follow.
A heart at peace strives for meaning while a heart at war strives for lust, usually a lust of power.
A family with hearts at peace lift each other while a family with hearts at war resist each other. Phrased another way, a family with hearts at peace pull together (i.e. pull with each other in a constructive manner that lifts the whole) while a family with hearts at war pull against each other.
This is all nice and good, but how do we maintain a heart at peace? How do we resist a power struggle?
Much could be said here, and I recommend the following two books:
* The Anatomy of Peace by the Arbinger Institute
* Parenting a House United by Nicholeen Peck
At this time I will only add that clarity helps. If we know what we want most -- peace over power, kindness over being right, love over fear, calm over frustration -- and we have faith and confidence regarding what to do in any given situation to obtain these, then we will obtain them.
Others may continually invite us to a power struggle, but in our hearts we can always choose a peaceful engagement.
Friday, April 17, 2015
Monday, April 13, 2015
Everyone Is My Teacher
Often my posts here are inspired from an insight during scripture study, and as this is no different, I begin by quoting the scripture of note:
Has anyone ever criticized you? How did it go? Let me dig in a little more specific.
Has anyone ever criticized you for something so ridiculous, you sincerely laughed it off without a care because you knew they had no concept of what they were saying -- you knew the criticism was completely baseless?
Has anyone ever criticized you for something utterly ridiculous, yet it still stung?
I believe the following two thoughts are principles of happiness, i.e. if we live by these principles, we must be happier, and if we do not, we must be less happy:
When we hear something that we "take to be hard," a common reaction is to shoot the messenger. That is, we begin saying things like: "Who are they to talk?", "They ought to look at the beam in their own eye first!", or "I can't believe she said that, did you hear that? That was the rudest..." and on and on.
However, what we often will not do, is look inward and ask, is it true of me?
Because we take it to be hard, we want to murmur against it rather than consider it. Yet President Dieter F. Uchtdorf shared this fantastic insight: "seeing ourselves clearly is the beginning of wisdom." (General Coference, October 2014)
What I see in these verses is this concept: if someone says something that triggers us to temper, even if not an outright accusation, this indicates a flaw inside of us that we are likely trying to hide from the world... and even more likely, from ourselves.
If we will make everyone our teacher, however, then we can recognize that initial flare as guidance leading us to introspection, seeking what weakness is hidden within us. This will lead us to greater wisdom as we take that weakness before the Lord and seek His enabling grace.
We are none of us perfect, and these verses offer us an insight into finding our blind spots -- finding our wickedness -- that through Christ, we may root it out.
And now it came to pass that after I, Nephi, had made an end of speaking to my brethren, behold they said unto me: Thou hast declared unto us hard things, more than we are able to bear.
And it came to pass that I said unto them that I knew that I had spoken hard things against the wicked, according to the truth; and the righteous have I justified, and testified that they should be lifted up at the last day; wherefore, the guilty taketh the truth to be hard, for it cutteth them to the very center.
And now my brethren, if ye were righteous and were willing to hearken to the truth, and give heed unto it, that ye might walk uprightly before God, then ye would not murmur because of the truth, and say: Thou speakest hard things against us.
(1 Nephi 16:1-3, emphasis added)This intrigues me.
Has anyone ever criticized you? How did it go? Let me dig in a little more specific.
Has anyone ever criticized you for something so ridiculous, you sincerely laughed it off without a care because you knew they had no concept of what they were saying -- you knew the criticism was completely baseless?
Has anyone ever criticized you for something utterly ridiculous, yet it still stung?
I believe the following two thoughts are principles of happiness, i.e. if we live by these principles, we must be happier, and if we do not, we must be less happy:
- Accept in your mind that you live in a world where others get to make their own choices
- Make everyone your teacher
When we hear something that we "take to be hard," a common reaction is to shoot the messenger. That is, we begin saying things like: "Who are they to talk?", "They ought to look at the beam in their own eye first!", or "I can't believe she said that, did you hear that? That was the rudest..." and on and on.
However, what we often will not do, is look inward and ask, is it true of me?
Because we take it to be hard, we want to murmur against it rather than consider it. Yet President Dieter F. Uchtdorf shared this fantastic insight: "seeing ourselves clearly is the beginning of wisdom." (General Coference, October 2014)
What I see in these verses is this concept: if someone says something that triggers us to temper, even if not an outright accusation, this indicates a flaw inside of us that we are likely trying to hide from the world... and even more likely, from ourselves.
If we will make everyone our teacher, however, then we can recognize that initial flare as guidance leading us to introspection, seeking what weakness is hidden within us. This will lead us to greater wisdom as we take that weakness before the Lord and seek His enabling grace.
We are none of us perfect, and these verses offer us an insight into finding our blind spots -- finding our wickedness -- that through Christ, we may root it out.
Saturday, April 4, 2015
Tempted Above what we can Bear
"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." (1 Cor. 10:13)
An intriguing verse to be sure. Many people find comfort in this verse and, while I do as well, I also find responsibility in it.
First, as we grow in intelligence, spiritual strength, and stewardship, we will be exposed to greater temptation.
Second, God will make a way to escape temptation, but we must choose to take it! And note that the escape is such that we may well still bear the temptation, but we will escape from succumbing to it.
Expounding on the First:
When I was baptized at eight years old, I remember having a sense of disappointment thereafter because I didn't notice any mighty change or difference in my day to day life. I expected that, since Satan could tempt me, and that I had the Holy Ghost, I would suddenly become vividly aware of a great war! The idea somewhat excited my eight year old boy imagination. Instead, everything seemed, well, normal!
I suspect that this is largely aligned with this verse in Corinthians. It's as though Satan can only tempt us to the degree we are able to act. For example, he can't tempt you to read something naughty if you don't know how to read. He can try to whisper an evil idea into our minds, but if we are unable to comprehend the concept, there will be no temptation.
An intriguing verse to be sure. Many people find comfort in this verse and, while I do as well, I also find responsibility in it.
First, as we grow in intelligence, spiritual strength, and stewardship, we will be exposed to greater temptation.
Second, God will make a way to escape temptation, but we must choose to take it! And note that the escape is such that we may well still bear the temptation, but we will escape from succumbing to it.
Expounding on the First:
When I was baptized at eight years old, I remember having a sense of disappointment thereafter because I didn't notice any mighty change or difference in my day to day life. I expected that, since Satan could tempt me, and that I had the Holy Ghost, I would suddenly become vividly aware of a great war! The idea somewhat excited my eight year old boy imagination. Instead, everything seemed, well, normal!
I suspect that this is largely aligned with this verse in Corinthians. It's as though Satan can only tempt us to the degree we are able to act. For example, he can't tempt you to read something naughty if you don't know how to read. He can try to whisper an evil idea into our minds, but if we are unable to comprehend the concept, there will be no temptation.
Monday, March 30, 2015
truth and Truth
It is to my surprise that I have observed two kinds of truth. One I would refer to as Truth with a capital 'T', and the other, truth with a lower case 't'.
Now if this rubs you wrong at first, as it did for me the first while that I had heard references to such, just know that it is simply a distinction of semantics -- a distinction that I find helpful in understanding.
Truth
I describe Truth as natural law and principle. I spoke somewhat on natural law in this post.
Gravity is an example of natural law, as is the law of lift which allow birds and airplanes to fly.
Truth can stand on its own. It is absolute and eternal.
truth
To distinguish Truth from truth, the best way I know to do it is to illustrate it with a story.
Consider a young waiter, we'll call him Joel. Joel's friend commented to him one day that she had read an article that said, for whatever reason, people tip less on Wednesdays and asked him if he had observed this in his work.
Joel said he hadn't and brushed it off. However, the thought lingered in his mind to the point that, on Wednesday, his mind was replaying the question and he was beginning to doubt his original response. He got a bit annoyed with himself about it because it seemed so ridiculous, but still, he felt a little frustrated about it.
Later, he had to see if there was any merit to it and, indeed, that Wednesday produced a slightly less tip percentage than usual.
The next Wednesday, Joel hardly wanted to go to work. He couldn't seem to shake this sense that he just knew people were going to tip less. It still seemed ridiculous to him, but he couldn't shake it. When a customer later accidentally spilled a water all over his table, Joel felt like throwing his hands up in frustration and saying "see!"
It wasn't long before Joel's service as a waiter waned on Wednesdays. A couple of months later, Joel told his friend -- "You know what? I've found on Wednesdays, I only get about 65% of the tips I get on other days. How weird is that?"
So, is it true? Do people tip less on Wednesday's? Well for Joel it became true. ...but why?
Is it the result of some natural law or principle that on Wednesdays, people will tip less? No! Of course not!
It was true because Joel believed it to be true. His belief led to a different set of actions which led to a different result!
This is the kind of truth that I call lower-case 't' truth. It is self-fulfilling prophecy, true only because of our own beliefs and choices.
Hopefully this also helps portray an interesting concept: there is no truth without context.
Now if this rubs you wrong at first, as it did for me the first while that I had heard references to such, just know that it is simply a distinction of semantics -- a distinction that I find helpful in understanding.
Truth
I describe Truth as natural law and principle. I spoke somewhat on natural law in this post.
Gravity is an example of natural law, as is the law of lift which allow birds and airplanes to fly.
Truth can stand on its own. It is absolute and eternal.
truth
To distinguish Truth from truth, the best way I know to do it is to illustrate it with a story.
Consider a young waiter, we'll call him Joel. Joel's friend commented to him one day that she had read an article that said, for whatever reason, people tip less on Wednesdays and asked him if he had observed this in his work.
Joel said he hadn't and brushed it off. However, the thought lingered in his mind to the point that, on Wednesday, his mind was replaying the question and he was beginning to doubt his original response. He got a bit annoyed with himself about it because it seemed so ridiculous, but still, he felt a little frustrated about it.
Later, he had to see if there was any merit to it and, indeed, that Wednesday produced a slightly less tip percentage than usual.
The next Wednesday, Joel hardly wanted to go to work. He couldn't seem to shake this sense that he just knew people were going to tip less. It still seemed ridiculous to him, but he couldn't shake it. When a customer later accidentally spilled a water all over his table, Joel felt like throwing his hands up in frustration and saying "see!"
It wasn't long before Joel's service as a waiter waned on Wednesdays. A couple of months later, Joel told his friend -- "You know what? I've found on Wednesdays, I only get about 65% of the tips I get on other days. How weird is that?"
So, is it true? Do people tip less on Wednesday's? Well for Joel it became true. ...but why?
Is it the result of some natural law or principle that on Wednesdays, people will tip less? No! Of course not!
It was true because Joel believed it to be true. His belief led to a different set of actions which led to a different result!
This is the kind of truth that I call lower-case 't' truth. It is self-fulfilling prophecy, true only because of our own beliefs and choices.
Hopefully this also helps portray an interesting concept: there is no truth without context.
Monday, March 23, 2015
Why are you doing this?
It seems every time I tell someone about putting on Ben & Jerry's Free Cone Day I get asked, "why are you doing this?" My answer? Because I love it! I love the ice cream, I love sharing it, it makes me happy, and it's fun! The amount of joy it brings me is seriously immense.
Of the numerous business events I've put on, I don't think anyone has ever asked me "why are you doing this?" I wonder if it's assumed, "well, it's a business, so it's to make money of course!"
Of the business people I know, money is not a sufficient drive to do what they do.
When my Dad was put in a serious financial predicament in his construction business, working literally 20-22 hour days, people would ask him "why don't you just declare bankruptcy?"
Did he say "I've got to make it work for the money?" Are you kidding? No, not at all. He would walk the person out of the office and point up at the sign above the door that said "Lyle Parks Jr. Inc." and say, "you see that? That's my name. I don't declare bankruptcy -- my dad just didn't teach me that."
To build and run a business takes more drive than money alone can provide.
So next time you chat with someone building a business, someone who has refused to give up even in the hard times, pay them a complement -- ask them what drives them! And be prepared to feel inspired.
Of the numerous business events I've put on, I don't think anyone has ever asked me "why are you doing this?" I wonder if it's assumed, "well, it's a business, so it's to make money of course!"
Of the business people I know, money is not a sufficient drive to do what they do.
When my Dad was put in a serious financial predicament in his construction business, working literally 20-22 hour days, people would ask him "why don't you just declare bankruptcy?"
Did he say "I've got to make it work for the money?" Are you kidding? No, not at all. He would walk the person out of the office and point up at the sign above the door that said "Lyle Parks Jr. Inc." and say, "you see that? That's my name. I don't declare bankruptcy -- my dad just didn't teach me that."
To build and run a business takes more drive than money alone can provide.
So next time you chat with someone building a business, someone who has refused to give up even in the hard times, pay them a complement -- ask them what drives them! And be prepared to feel inspired.
Thursday, March 19, 2015
Heroes, Villains, and Victims
A brief insight.
Both a hero and a villain work hard, even tirelessly. One produces creation while the other destruction -- but they both produce.
You’ll notice that interesting stories rarely if ever have victims has their main characters. Why? Victims don’t do anything at all -- they just whine and complain. It's not that main characters haven't been victimized, they just don't accept victim-hood.
Perhaps this is the concept behind the verses in Revelation that say:
Both a hero and a villain work hard, even tirelessly. One produces creation while the other destruction -- but they both produce.
You’ll notice that interesting stories rarely if ever have victims has their main characters. Why? Victims don’t do anything at all -- they just whine and complain. It's not that main characters haven't been victimized, they just don't accept victim-hood.
Perhaps this is the concept behind the verses in Revelation that say:
I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot.Joshua said "choose you this day whom ye will serve," and the choice of victim-hood makes you irrelevant to your own story because you are no longer striving to be the main act-or in it.
So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.
Saturday, February 28, 2015
Two Words
I love the temple! I know, that's not two words, but I love the temple nonetheless!
Today I got to go to the Jordan River temple.
I recently read this post by Stephen Palmer. Again.
And while at the temple, I was able to connect more clearly with my core life mission. It is, as you've guessed, two words: Inspire Righteousness.
Why Righteousness?
I strongly considered the word goodness. My perception is that the word goodness is perhaps more acceptable or politically correct; it has less of a judgemental connotation in today's world than righteousness. But why is that? If it's because much evil is considered good and good evil, then the message is more susceptible to individual interpretation and ambiguity.
We all have good judgement in our own eyes, so what is there to be inspired about? It becomes the principle that everyone needs but me, since I've already got it.
Righteousness however has some clear implications. To me these include:
* Continual development of one's relationship with God and family
* Continual development of one's character
* Purity and virtue in mind, heart, and soul
* Seeing people as people -- respecting individual sovereignty and worth
Why Inspire?
Righteousness is impossible to coerce because it is not an action -- it is a willful determination of heart and mind. Actions are merely an evidence or fruit of whatever determination one's heart and mind hold.
One could attempt to manipulate righteousness, but this will not persist when the manipulation is past.
Inspiring righteousness is indeed the only way to make a lasting impact.
Purpose
As I consider how this mission plays out in my life, I find that inspiring righteousness is my fundamental why -- it is the reason I do all I do. When my actions are not aligned with this standard, I want to investigate what within me is the root of this misalignment and change it!
Whenever considering a decision of any significance, my goal is to make inspiring righteousness as my core standard upon which to judge.
Why do I strive to be a good husband and father? To inspire righteousness in myself, my family, and perhaps others who might be quiet, unknown observers.
Why do we homeschool? We (or at least I -- I haven't asked Bont) feel it is the best way to inspire righteousness in our family.
Why do I serve in my church? It inspires righteousness in my own life, in the life of my family by example, and I hope, in those I teach.
What motivates what I do in my assigned church service? My drive to inspire righteousness.
Why do I engage in scripture study and personal development? To seek my own inspiration to righteousness and become more effective at inspiring righteousness.
Why do I promote Strongbrook? To inspire righteousness. It is my platform of choice for generating Peaceful Prosperity.
Why do I promote Peaceful Prosperity? You can see previous posts about it, but Peaceful Prosperity comes down to having a relationship with God, seeing people as people, and creating significant financial wealth so that this influence can reach further and wider than it would without such wealth.
Joseph Smith taught "A man filled with the love of God, is not content with blessing his family alone, but ranges through the whole world, anxious to bless the whole human race." I promote Peaceful Prosperity to inspire righteousness throughout the earth.
Perfection
Are my actions always the most inspiring? Definitely not! I am far from perfect! Fortunately, there is no rule that states one must be perfect to inspire another; I have oft been inspired by imperfect men and women. Christ is perfect, and to inspire righteousness eventually comes back to Him. Always.
Jesus said "but he that is greatest among you shall be your servant." Matthew 23:11 What makes one great? I believe it is the capacity to inspire men and women to devoting their best selves to a worthy cause. Service -- being a Go Giver -- is one of the most powerful ways to become great.
Jesus' life and mission is, when understood, the most powerful inspiration to righteousness that exists -- there is no coercion or manipulation in it. He, in securing our immortality and enabling our salvation, is the greatest Servant of us all.
Today I got to go to the Jordan River temple.
I recently read this post by Stephen Palmer. Again.
And while at the temple, I was able to connect more clearly with my core life mission. It is, as you've guessed, two words: Inspire Righteousness.
Why Righteousness?
I strongly considered the word goodness. My perception is that the word goodness is perhaps more acceptable or politically correct; it has less of a judgemental connotation in today's world than righteousness. But why is that? If it's because much evil is considered good and good evil, then the message is more susceptible to individual interpretation and ambiguity.
We all have good judgement in our own eyes, so what is there to be inspired about? It becomes the principle that everyone needs but me, since I've already got it.
Righteousness however has some clear implications. To me these include:
* Continual development of one's relationship with God and family
* Continual development of one's character
* Purity and virtue in mind, heart, and soul
* Seeing people as people -- respecting individual sovereignty and worth
Why Inspire?
Righteousness is impossible to coerce because it is not an action -- it is a willful determination of heart and mind. Actions are merely an evidence or fruit of whatever determination one's heart and mind hold.
One could attempt to manipulate righteousness, but this will not persist when the manipulation is past.
Inspiring righteousness is indeed the only way to make a lasting impact.
Purpose
As I consider how this mission plays out in my life, I find that inspiring righteousness is my fundamental why -- it is the reason I do all I do. When my actions are not aligned with this standard, I want to investigate what within me is the root of this misalignment and change it!
Whenever considering a decision of any significance, my goal is to make inspiring righteousness as my core standard upon which to judge.
Why do I strive to be a good husband and father? To inspire righteousness in myself, my family, and perhaps others who might be quiet, unknown observers.
Why do we homeschool? We (or at least I -- I haven't asked Bont) feel it is the best way to inspire righteousness in our family.
Why do I serve in my church? It inspires righteousness in my own life, in the life of my family by example, and I hope, in those I teach.
What motivates what I do in my assigned church service? My drive to inspire righteousness.
Why do I engage in scripture study and personal development? To seek my own inspiration to righteousness and become more effective at inspiring righteousness.
Why do I promote Strongbrook? To inspire righteousness. It is my platform of choice for generating Peaceful Prosperity.
Why do I promote Peaceful Prosperity? You can see previous posts about it, but Peaceful Prosperity comes down to having a relationship with God, seeing people as people, and creating significant financial wealth so that this influence can reach further and wider than it would without such wealth.
Joseph Smith taught "A man filled with the love of God, is not content with blessing his family alone, but ranges through the whole world, anxious to bless the whole human race." I promote Peaceful Prosperity to inspire righteousness throughout the earth.
Perfection
Are my actions always the most inspiring? Definitely not! I am far from perfect! Fortunately, there is no rule that states one must be perfect to inspire another; I have oft been inspired by imperfect men and women. Christ is perfect, and to inspire righteousness eventually comes back to Him. Always.
Jesus said "but he that is greatest among you shall be your servant." Matthew 23:11 What makes one great? I believe it is the capacity to inspire men and women to devoting their best selves to a worthy cause. Service -- being a Go Giver -- is one of the most powerful ways to become great.
Jesus' life and mission is, when understood, the most powerful inspiration to righteousness that exists -- there is no coercion or manipulation in it. He, in securing our immortality and enabling our salvation, is the greatest Servant of us all.
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