Agency in our Beliefs

"...and we [would] have been like unto our brethren,. . .who know nothing concerning these things, or even do not believe them when they are taught them, because of the traditions of their fathers, which are not correct." --Mosiah 1:5

I wonder how often this applies to me, in big or little things, consciously and unconsciously. How often do I not believe or outright refuse to accept something that could bless my life simply because it doesn't fit with the tradition I've been taught, or perhaps that I've chosen!

We get to choose what we believe. We can believe whatever we want. This doesn't just mean religious beliefs, it means all beliefs! Beliefs about politics, about education, about marriage, about families, beliefs about ourselves, our potential, what we can and can't do, what we are good at or not, what others can or can't do, what we/others should or shouldn't do... we believe all sorts of things if we really look into it!

I believe (a choice) that we all have a whole lot of funky beliefs around these areas. "For now we see through a glass, darkly." But oh what meaning can come from choosing beliefs more aligned with our divine natures as children of God! And oh what peace can come from choosing beliefs that reflect our God's respect for the agency of other individuals!

The more our beliefs and thus our faith are aligned with God, with actual Truth and not just our perception of it, the more blessed we will be.

Expectation and Faith

In 1 Nephi 17:4 we read that Lehi and his family "did sojourn for the space of many years, yea, even eight years in the wilderness."

Ishmael had died early in the journey, but as far as we know, everyone else who embarked was still in tact at the time they arrived at the seashore those eight years later.

I began to pondering on these eight years. That, in my estimation, is a long road trip! And I wonder how many of them expected it to be so long and arduous, for in verse 6 we read that they "had suffered many afflictions and much difficulty, yea, even so much that we cannot write them all."

What I'm getting at is that I have begun to see two sides of the word expectation.

If Lehi and family expected to take a merry prance over to the promised land that would surely last no more than a few months, that would likely have been a source of some angst as the time went by.

Can you imagine the scene inside one's head? I can imagine if it was my head, and I would probably follow some course such as the following. Once the self-appointed deadline had passed and nothing but desert extended all around, I would update my timeline and say "well, maybe three months was a little too short, but surely we'll be close by now. There's no WAY it could take more than another month, or at the absolute most, it will be less than two months out by the time we arrive." My mind would likely be hopping around, hoping for this to be true and getting stressed at the thought that maybe it's not true. At a little over a month, depression starts to set in as I realize my month was totally off, and I start disbelieving my self-fabricated two month deadline. In fact, I start looking for proof that the two month deadline will come and go, and with every such evidence I invent, I blame God, or Lehi, or Laman, or Nephi, or Sariah, or myself, or the wind, or my camel, or, or, or.

None of this is healthy and all of this is destructive. And yet, is this not a resemblance of someone simply trying to exercise faith? It's someone believing that a certain outcome will manifest while working to make it so! So... what's wrong here?

Well, let's consider another side of the word expectation.

If Lehi and family didn't have any expectation about the journey, but only held the expectation that God would guide them to the promised land, how does this change things?

I would imagine this mental scene to be a bit different, at least in my head. With the Liahona, I would trust that God would lead us in whatever path and journey He would deem best for us. Thanks to that trust, I would hold the expectation that 1) He would help us through it, and 2) We would arrive in the promised land. The timing, how long it took, what mountains we had to climb, or anything else was simply part of the journey. In fact, with the hope of the promised land burning bright, we could even find joy and pleasure in the difficulty of the journey.

I think Nephi was able to do this, at least in hindsight, for he talks about the strength they were given and the blessings provided them in their journey.

This is a much more healthy mindset. So what's the difference?

In the latter example, the expectation is focused on the what, while the expectation in the former is focused on the how. In the latter, the expectation was God's promise while in the former the expectation(s) was/were self-appointed.

Going back to my definition of faith, I do believe both are examples of faith, since both are based on belief. The problem with the first example is that the belief (the journey will fit within a few months) is not aligned with Truth (with a capital T). The second, of course, is so aligned since it is based on a promise from God.

We are here on earth to, among other things, learn discernment through experience. We can trust that a belief is True through revelation from God, but if we never exercise faith on any belief until we have a knowledge of it through revelation, I think we will fall into the slothful servant category.

Thus, using our experience, we choose (often unconsciously or without much consideration) what beliefs we accept and reject. I believe progress in life may be measured at least in part by how well we choose our beliefs. This is a line upon line process whereby we replace false beliefs with more subtly false beliefs. Said another way, we choose beliefs that are more and more aligned with Truth.

So how do we know how to choose better and better beliefs? Our beliefs lead to our works, for faith by works is manifest and faith is dependent upon belief. Mormon taught that "by their works ye shall know them; for if their works be good, then they are good also." (Moroni 7:5) As we consider a belief we might accept, we can consider what faith in that belief will look like and what works it may produce. If such works are good, or even just better than what we currently manifest, then it is a belief worthy of our adoption until the time comes that we can trade it in for one even better.

We are walking, self-fulfilling prophecies. Our beliefs become manifest simply because we believe them! (See 1 Nephi 15:8-9) Note then, that in this context, what is true depends on what we believe! Might I suggest then, that one method to determine what to believe is by asking ourselves the question "what do we want to be true?"

I am not referring to moral relativism here. I believe in absolute truth, or Truth with a capital T. What I'm saying is that, in many instances of our day to day lives, the beliefs we choose impact our lives and manifest themselves to be true simply because we believe them. If we choose, consciously or not, to believe we have little to offer the world, then our actions will reflect that and we will offer little to the world. If we change that to believe we have much to offer the world, then our actions will reflect that and we will work diligently to make a difference! Either way, our truth, the evidences and experiences and history of our lives changes based simply on what we believe.

What do you want to be true? If a belief isn't serving you, perhaps that's a signal that you can seek a better replacement for it.

I believe that, the more in line our beliefs are with Truth, which I define as what God believes, then the more we will become like Him. Such beliefs will serve us better and lead us to greater fulfillment and happiness. We learn these "precept upon precept, line upon line." (Isaiah 28:9-10)

Post Script
I didn't really fit these in anywhere, but below are an assortment of quotes that I find relevant to the topic:

"Faith in God includes Faith in God's timing." --Neal A. Maxwell

"Self-appointed expectations lead to self-induced frustrations." --Dr. Abaraham Lowe

"Endorse for effort, not outcome." --Dr. Abraham Lowe

Joseph Smith: "Let us here observe, that three things are necessary, in order that any rational and intelligent being may exercise faith in God unto life and salvation. First, The idea that he actually exists. Secondly, A correct idea of his character, perfections and attributes. Thirdly, An actual knowledge that the course of life which he is pursuing, is according to his will. For without an acquaintance with these three important facts, the faith of every rational being must be imperfect and unproductive; but with this understanding, it can become perfect and fruitful, abounding in righteousness unto the praise and glory of God the Father, and the Lord Jesus Christ." (Emphasis added.)

An Annoyance? Or a Spiritual Cue?

This post is a brief insight, taken from the context of 1 Nephi 16:1-3.

When we hear something that cuts into us a bit, that rubs us the wrong way, or that we are tempted to get worked up about, perhaps that is not just an emotional response, but a spiritual cue.

Could it be that what annoys us does so precisely because it makes us face something about ourselves that we don't want to admit exists?

Once neither the source nor the source's intent play a role in our consideration, everyone becomes our teacher.

Just as insight can come from anyone, pride can resist no matter the source. (1 Nephi 3:29-31)

A Financial Rant

(Originally posted this on Facebook and G+. I decided it was worthy of posting here to keep for future reference.)

Big ol' rant / lamentation warning.

It is sad to me how poorly, in my view, the last few generations have done for themselves financially. And improvement doesn't seem on the rise overall.

I don't expect everyone to love spreadsheets like I do. We each have our interests. I love budgeting, I love mvelopes.com, I love Strongbrook, I love planning ahead, I love all of that.

But love it or not, certain proficiencies in financial areas of life make a big impact in how we are able to live and pursue the interests we do have.

Give yourself the class you never had in school! Here's a few books for personal finance 101:
* The Prophetic Model of Prosperity (I can get you a pdf - just ask)
* The Total Money Makeover
* The Richest Man in Babylon
* Rich Dad Poor Dad
* The Jackrabbit Factor
* The Strait Path to Real Estate Wealth
* The Anatomy of Peace (for anyone that has to budget with someone else, e.g. a spouse)

These are all easy reads, but please please please don't read just one of them and call it your one and only true gospel of finance - read them all and get some different ideas going so you can determine the best path for you!

Here are some more books for personal finance 102 if you wish:
* The Millionaire Next Door
* Get a Financial Life
* Whatever Happened to Penny Candy
* Cashflow Quadrant
* Think & Grow Rich
* Getting to Yes (Again, for anyone that has to budget with someone else, e.g. a spouse)

Spend one penny more than you earn each month and you have stress; spend one penny less, and you have peace.

If you've tried to do this before and couldn't, if you've tried to budget before and failed, then remember William Edwards Hickson's proverb:
"Tis a lesson you should heed
Try, try, try again.
If at first you don't succeed,
Try, try, try again."

If you think it would be worth your while, find someone to help you! Find someone to mentor you and/or be your accountability partner!

A word or seven about retirement. I don't know how many people throw their money at their 401k and forget about it WHICH IS, after all, what we're taught to do. Here's the thing... have you ever calculated it out to see if it will be enough? If the answer is no, then PLEASE Please please take the time to do so!

"But I don't know how!" Well I don't know how to be a Dad either, but I'm doing it, so nix that excuse now! Pull some numbers out of your ear if you need, but think about it.

Actually, re-think about it for a moment. Does it even make sense what we're doing? We're saving up a huge sum of money, just so we can spend it down come retirement time. That's the most pessimistic, "I hope I die soon enough" pattern I can possibly come up with! It's not the 401k that's broken, it's the foundation the 401k was built on in the first place!!

It makes NO sense to me to build up a huge pile of money, only to spend it down. It's a very scarce-minded, selfish, hoarding type of model! And yes, there ARE other options!

Many years ago, retirement was the family farm. Once your children took over running it, they would take care of you by its production. And that's the principle here! A farm would continue to produce even after you, personally, no longer worked it. Just because the family farm isn't an option for most people today doesn't mean the principle it stands on needs be tossed out with it!!

Talk about throwing out the baby with the bathwater!

Find investments that reliably produce income!! Whether it's a family farm or real estate or something else, this is a principle on which to base a retirement plan -- not hoard and spend, binge and purge!


Is this why I love Strongbrook so much? Of course it is! It builds on this principle. But Strongbrook isn't the world's only viable option! If Strongbrook doesn't work for you, find something else! But find something that will produce for you long after you are done putting time and effort into it!

Ah well, perhaps my rant has done something to offer a new mindset consideration.

I'll conclude with some other books I also find valuable - 200 level course material, perhaps:
* Becoming Your Own Banker
* How Privatized Banking Really Works
* As a Man Thinketh
* Man's Search for Meaning
* The Four Agreements
* The Screwtape Letters
* How to Win Friends and Influence People
* The Conscious Creator

</rant>

Prophecy Without Charity

"And though I have the gift of prophecy. . .and have not charity, I am nothing." (1 Cor. 13:2)

In this post, I would like to briefly explore and consider this portion of verse. What does it mean to have the gift of prophecy? Why is charity such an essential ingredient?

In revelations we read "for the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy." (Revelations 19:10)

The prophet Joseph Smith said "Now if any man has the testimony of Jesus, has he not the spirit of prophecy? And if he has the spirit of prophecy, I ask, is he not a prophet? And if a prophet, will he not receive revelation? And any man that does not receive revelation for himself must be damned, for the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy. For Christ says, ask and you shall receive; and if he happens to receive anything, I ask, will it not be a revelation?" ("Teachings: Joseph Smith" Chapter 33)

As I understand this, the spirit of prophecy is the revealed testimony that Jesus is the Christ; the spirit of prophecy consists of revelation.

Yet receiving revelation and having a revealed testimony of the divinity of Christ, all without following His example of love, what will it get you? Well... pretty much just a greater damnation thanks to your greater accountability through the witness you've been given.

I have yet to investigate deeply what it means to be nothing. Moses said man is nothing, and the verses in 1 Corinthians 13 as well as Moroni 7 speak of being nothing without charity. I think of Christ teaching that he who would be the greatest should be the servant. With time, I want to look into dig deeper there.

A Season

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven." Thus begins Ecclesiastes chapter 3.

I realized I wanted to take the time to really look at what is in this chapter, and what might be notably absent. So, here it goes. From Eccl 3:2-8:

A time to be born,	and a time to die;
a time to plant,	and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill,	and a time to heal;
a time to break down,	and a time to build up;
A time to weep,	and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn,	and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones,	and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace,	and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get,	and a time to lose;
a time to keep,	and a time to cast away;
A time to rend,	and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence,	and a time to speak;
A time to love,	and a time to hate;
a time of war,	and a time of peace.

Well, I think I'll just leave this post at that and refer to it later.

Sounding Brass and a Tinkling Cymbal

Paul says: "Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal." (1 Cor 13:3)

This might be best summed up by the famous quote by Theodore Roosevelt: "No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care."

I'd like to explore my understanding of this verse a bit. To do so, I would like to explore how it relates to sales.

Sales
I have been in sales all my life. So have you. I didn't know it; in fact, I would have denied it fiercely at times, but it is true!

When I was a child, I was constantly selling my parents on letting me go play with my friends. I was constantly selling my friends on what I wanted to play. And every night, every single night, with persistence and without discouragement, I would try to sell my parents on letting me eat something after or as they were putting me to bed. It never worked, but somehow I never got discouraged either! I just kept right on selling!

Today, my biggest and most important sales job of life is being a Dad! I am constantly selling! I am selling my children on desired behavior. I am selling my children on ideas of all sorts! I am selling my wife on things I think would be good for them! I am constantly selling.

Case in point: while writing this I told my daughter it was time to sit on the potty. She said, in an attempt at monotone: "No, I can't. I am a robot." I responded in monotone: "Robot, it is time for you to sit on the potty." She said "okay," and went and sat on the potty. Sales!

I also sell at my job. I program a web application. I have no leadership role in the company I work for, but I am constantly selling. I am selling other developers on what I think is good design; I am selling other team members and managers on what I think is good software development process; I am selling product managers on how I think something in the product could be improved.

In short, any time we wish to exert influence, we sell. Facebook is perhaps the largest sales engine in the world! It's all about people spreading ideas and influence. This is sales.

In the last year, I have become actively engaged in professional sales. I know, I know, I said my job was programming. But in the last couple years, I have found an idea that is much more meaningful for me to sell.

When I began, I claimed no sales experience. That's pretty ridiculous in light everything I stated above, but I didn't understand that at the time. It took me a year of learning and growing before my first sale closed, that is, before someone bought into the idea I was sharing sufficiently to pay money to live it.

Since then, I have closed numerous sales, and I have learned a number of things along the way. Here's where I begin getting back to that verse in Corinthians. Hopefully by the end of this, it will all tie in nicely.

Successful sales is all about two things in my view: belief and reverence.

Belief
Successful sales requires belief. Belief in yourself and belief in what you are offering.

Belief in Yourself
I have never been a professional motivational/inspirational speaker, but in my experience of listening to them, it seems they have one core objective: to inspire one's belief in self. If you have no belief that you can do something, you will never have the faith to do it! Faith, or action, can be based only on belief.

I recently read that "23 million dollars a year is spent in one zip code in Southside of Chicago on lottery tickets. People are spending more money on luck than on their own potential." I agree with this writer's assessment. To me it is sad evidence that these people believe more in luck than in themselves. Indeed, our world is in great need of self-belief.

It is my belief that the best way to develop this self belief is through growing closer to God combined with doing things outside our comfort zone, i.e. exercising faith. More could be said on this, but I don't want to go on too big of a tangent here. Suffice it to say that not everyone with a high sense of self-belief has a strong relationship with God, but I believe that a meaningful relationship with God will gestate a firm foundation of self-belief.

Belief in Your Offering
Whether you are a parent selling your child on going to the potty, a missionary selling an atheist on your religion, or a peddler selling goods door to door, a key component is believing that what you are offering will bless the people to whom you are selling.

This is pretty easy when you're a potty-training parent! As an adult you have personal experience in knowing that it's a great thing to be potty trained! That may sound silly in this context, but having personal experience with what you are selling is key. It's awfully hard to sell something you don't believe in enough to have for yourself.

If you are a missionary, having a personal testimony is crucial. Personal experiences where your belief and religion have blessed your life are indispensable. These provide you with continuing motivation and purpose, and also are valuable to others as you share those experiences in ways that can connect with them.

And, of course, if you are selling wares, you best be a product of the product yourself. Can you make some sales without it? Yes, certainly. But believe in it enough yourself to be a card-carrying member, a product of the product, and you will be ever-so-much more effective.

Reverence
I am going to guess that when you read the word reverence above, you either weren't really paying attention, or you thought something like: "say what? Reverence? What the..."

So often we associate reverence with folding our arms and being quiet in church or during a prayer, but this is not at all what the word means. Reverence means love and respect.

Love
Here we come back to Paul's comment: "Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal." (1 Cor 13:3)

You can know everything about your offering, you can know everything about your prospect, and you can know everything about how to articulate, but if you don't love the prospect for who they are independent of their decision, you're just making noise. The world has enough distracting noise; it is not a scarce resource. Please don't feel that you need to create more of it!

Sure, your noise might sound a little less annoying that another's, and as such you may attract some people to it, but could you imagine following someone who doesn't really care about you? How long would you stick around? You will have a hard time being a leader of people you don't care about, and you won't be able to maintain it long term.

Even more, without charity, the purpose and meaning of your efforts to produce this noise will be hollow. Like it or not, making a positive impact on the world requires relationships. In other words, successful sales requires relationships.

If you want to potty-train your child, do you want it mostly because you're sick of changing diapers? Could you consider talking to your child to assess why s/he might want to do it, and what concerns s/he might have about it? This is showing respect and love, this is reverencing your child.

Respect
Love fosters respect. My favorite definition of respect comes from Webster's 1828 dictionary: "to esteem as possessed of real worth." (source)

Some may say "but what if someone doesn't deserve my respect?! I can love them, but that doesn't mean I have to respect them!"

I would ask, is this person human? May this person have hopes and dreams, trials and difficulties, and joys and sorrows of which you are unaware? Is this person a child of the High King, the True and Living God? If you love them, then will you not esteem them as possessed of real worth? "Remember the worth of [a soul] is great in the sight of God." (D&C 18:10)

If we wish to have an influence on the world, however, it is not enough to simply respect other people: we must also respect their choices.

Do we esteem agency as a gift of real worth? I believe agency is one of the greatest gifts given to mankind. Though let me modify the question just slightly: do we esteem the agency of others as a gift of real worth? It is my natural imperfections that lead me to say I often do and I often don't.

I can make as powerful an invitation as I am able to persuade my daughter to choose to sit on the potty, but in the end, it's her choice! Yes, I could (and admittedly have) pick her up and put her on the potty and hold her there, but if done without her permission, I am not respecting her agency.

Does this mean I let her do whatever she wants all the time? Well, in a way yes and in a way no. Since I have a stewardship over my daughter, I am able to place consequences to encourage the behavior I believe will best serve her.

Let's consider another situation. As a missionary, I may share the most heartfelt, vulnerable, touching testimony of which I am capable. The Spirit may be felt in abundance. My heart may be filled with love for the individual with whom I am conversing. Feeling all this, I invite the him/her to come to church with us.

So what happens? Well let's say the individual is closed off. Through a course of life experiences that we may never know, s/he has chosen to be completely unwilling to open up. The person stands up, thanks me for my time, and asks me not to return. As I begin to ask some questions, hoping to understand him/her and see where this is coming from, s/he refuses to answer other than to invite me to leave.

What now? Am I upset? Am I frustrated? Am I hurt? These things largely depend on my respect for his/her agency. I may make the greatest, most inspiring invitation of which I am capable. I may ask all the right questions. I may do everything "right," but when it comes down to it, do I honor another's choice?

To sum this up, approaching someone with an agenda, an attempt to control, is disrespectful. Approaching someone with an intention, an invitation, is respectful. Detaching my personal self-worth and emotional well being from their response is a sign that I respect their choice.

Conclusion
Negotiations, sales, bargaining, it all seeks the same end: coming to an agreement. However, agreements are not the greatest benefit of successful sales. The greatest benefit of successful sales is meaningful relationships.

It's awfully hard to create meaningful relationships if you don't care about people or if you disrespect them. Charity respects others and their choices. We may not agree with another's choices, but we honor them and detach ourselves from them emotionally. This way of being, one based in respectful charity, will actually foster more agreements than less.

Again, as Paul wrote: "Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal." (1 Cor 13:3)