Asking for what we need and want

Imagine a parent/child conversation as follows:

Child: I don’t want milk, please.
Parent: What do you want?
Child: I don’t want milk.
Parent: Okay, but what do you want?
Child: I just don’t want milk.
Parent: Okay, you don’t have to drink it then.
Child: But I don’t WANT milk!
Parent: Great, that’s fine. You don’t need to have milk, but tell me what you want and I may be able to get it for you.
Child: I just don’t want MILK!
Parent: I know. So what do you want me to do?
Child: Don’t give me milk!
Parent: You already have milk. What would you like me to get you instead?
Child: I DON’T WANT MIIIIIIIILK!!!!!!!!!!!
Parent: Well, when you are able to tell me what you do want, let me know.
Child: <Pouts for a while> Mommy?! (or Daddy?!)
Parent: Yes, sweety?
Child: I want a drink
Parent: Okay honey, what would you like to drink?
Child: I don’t want milk
Parent: I know that, but what do you want?
Child: Something.
Parent: What something?
Child: Something to drink.
Parent: What something to drink?
Child: Not milk.
Parent: Since milk is what you don’t want to drink, what is it that you DO want to drink?
Child: I don’t know.
Parent: <Waits attentively and patiently while child tries to figure out what s/he wants to drink>
Child: Mommy? (or Daddy?)
Parent: Yes?
Child: May I have juice?
Parent: Yes! Of course! <Goes to get some juice>
Child: <Happy, bounces up and down in chair.>
Parent: <Fills glass of child’s favorite juice - let’s say it’s apple.>
Child: <Happily takes a sip, puts cup down with a frown.> Mommy! (or Daddy!), not THIS JUICE!!!!
Parent: Huh?
Child: Not this juice Mommy! (or Daddy!)
Parent: You don’t want apple juice?
Child: I don’t want apple juice!
Parent: Okay, what kind of juice do you want?
Child: Not apple juice!
Parent: Not apple juice, okay. Which kind of juice DO you want?
Child: Other kind of juice!
Parent: Which other kind of juice?
Child: The other kind! The orange kind!
Parent: You want orange juice?
Child: Yeah! Orange juice!
Parent: Okay. Is it okay if I drink your apple juice?
Child: Yes
Parent: <Downs apple juice real quick so as not to waste it. Rinses cup with water. Fills it with orange juice.>
Child: <Happy, bounces up and down in chair.>
Parent: <Gives cup to child with orange juice.>
Child: Mommy! (or Daddy!)
Parent: Yes, sweetie?
Child: I don’t want this cup!
…

And you get the idea. In the Bible Dictionary under prayer it says: "The object of prayer is not to change the will of God but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant but that are made conditional on our asking for them.” I think part of the reason for this is that, in order to ask, we must define clearly what we want. He knows what we want, but by requiring us to ask implies that we have figured out and clearly defined what we want. What do we want? What does it look like? How do we want it? What kind of cup do we want it in? etc. etc. Not that we necessarily get it exactly how we ask, but learning to ask clearly for what we want is, I think, not trivial.

So, some examples.

"Please bless Amy." Okay, bless her how? With what? "Just bless her." Um... right. What do you want for her?

"Please bless me with thy Spirit." Okay, what are you seeking? Are you wanting protection? Are you wanting guidance about a specific situation? Are you wanting understanding as you study? Are you wanting strength to stand up for what you believe in? Are you anticipating a certain situation that may challenge you?

"I hate my job. I just don't like it." Okay, what do you want? What do you like? Get clear with yourself, what are you seeking? I can get you fired or laid off just fine. What are you seeking?

"Please help me have patience." Ooh, happy to! Uh... you might want to clarify. ;-)


Again, God knows what we want better than we do, but we need to ask. I think it is valuable and important then, for our own sake, to consider and clearly define what we want so we can thus ask for it.

"More" Reverent

I've been, well, musing, about reverence. I think many of us could spout off easily enough that "reverence is respect and love." And yet knowing that, we often use the word in ways that seem inconsistent with that definition.

Reverent does not mean quiet; it means respect and love. In some times and places, this means being quiet; at other times, this means acting like a monkey! Let me provide a real life example.

In Primary we sing a happy birthday song to the kids who will have a birthday in the coming week. To add some fun to it, I created a die they roll that has different ways to sing the song on it. Some examples of different sides are "whisper voice", "an octave higher or lower", "taped lips", etc. One of the sides says "Pretend You Are A....", and the kid gets to choice how we act while we sing him or her happy birthday. One girl rolled this and chose monkey!

So what would be the reverent thing to do here? If I was halfhearted in acting like a monkey, it could have given off the message that I thought it was a dumb or poor choice, not at all a show of respect and love. So I went all out -- not out of control, but all out. I believe she felt respected and loved, or in other words, reverenced.

Now I realize we were in the Primary room. If we had been in the chapel or perhaps a temple or other place where such behavior would be inappropriate, then it would not have been respectful or loving to the place or to her if I had behaved thus. Instead it would have been respectful to lovingly point this out and help her make a more appropriate choice... or never have created such a situation in the first place. (Some may think this was not appropriate in the Primary room - I can respect that opinion, but that's another topic.)

So then, the point of all this writing -- why do we say "we need to be more reverent when we're in the chapel" or "in the temple" or wherever else? More is a comparator, meaning we must be more reverent compared to something else. In this context, it seems we are saying we need to be more reverent than when we are in other places, but is that accurate? I think we simply need to be reverent to the situation. This terminology (which I catch myself doing frequently enough) teaches our children that reverent means quiet. Perhaps it's not a big deal, but I do think it's a disservice.

It does seem appropriate to say "we need to be more reverent than we're being." This is to say, we need to be more appropriate in showing respect and love for the situation we're in. Let's not let our children think reverent synonymous to quiet, or even worse, synonymous to boring! :)

Little Words "in" Scriptures

Little words (in, the, a, of, is, it, to, from, etc.) matter, especially in the scriptures. So when I read these words from Alma 36:2, I wondered a bit.

"...and he surely did deliver them in their afflictions." (Emphasis added)

"In?" I thought. "That's odd. 'From' or 'out of' or something like that would have been more aligned with my expectation. In?" And so I wondered and pondered on that a bit. The next verse added more insight.

"...for I do know that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day." (Emphasis added)

I've long known that righteous living will not free you from experiencing difficulty, but these verses seemed to open my eyes to it a little further, though I struggle putting into words how. Anything I've tried to write here in explanation of it are words I already know, yet... it's as though I understand it enough now to say it myself, if that makes sense. Sometimes I hear things I already knew, but could not have expressed accurately. Now I feel like I would actually say "God delivers us in our afflictions." That is, if I remember this lesson beyond today! :) Hopefully writing it out here helps.

A Lesson From Computer Games

I'm not much a fan of computer games. They suck me in and spit me out leaving me a little bit older with a little bit less to show for it. And they're addicting for me. As in I honestly believe playing them causes my brain to create Dopamine or something in excessive amounts, causing me to have a withdrawal later and need another hit. Kinda scary when I write it out so bluntly.

This is not to say, however, that nothing can be learned from video or computer games*. I've noticed that games in which there is some aspect of wealth accumulation, be it gold, shiney, money, amulets, technology advancement points, or whatever else, there is a common trend that is true to life. It is this:

1) Spend it with excruciating care early on. Only use what is utterly required to survive.

2) Seek not for the lump sum bonuses, but seek for the bonuses that increase the rate of return throughout the entire rest of the game

3) Figure out the "threshold" amount. Once you obtain this amount, you will have sufficient residual wealth to win the game as long as you never spend below it

4 - Bonus) Never spend below the "threshold + 1" mark (+ 1 meaning one iteration of "return" on your wealth) and you will have more wealth than you will even want to consume

These same steps can, I believe, be applied to our real financial lives.

*Yes, computer games can teach, like the lesson mentioned in this post, yet I suspect that knowledge could be more appropriately obtained through other means.

On Offense

Is there a difference between being offended/taking offense and finding something offensive? If so, what is it? And why does it matter?

Is There A Difference
I believe the answer to the first question is emphatically yes. As Elder Bednar stated:
"One of the greatest indicators of our own spiritual maturity is revealed in how we respond to the weaknesses, the inexperience, and the potentially offensive actions of others. A thing, an event, or an expression may be offensive, but you and I can choose not to be offended." --Elder Bednar

The Difference
I see offensiveness and taking offense as two separate, chronological events. Prior to either of these, there is an action -- an event that one observes or is made aware of. A person then may interpret or "find" this event as "offensive". This is step one. The next step is choosing whether or not to take offense.

Finding Something Offensive
In my study and experience, I am not aware of any direct condemnation for interpreting something as "offensive". Irreverent actions or speech toward that which one considers sacred will always be considered offensive to that person. Indeed, sin is offensive to God. (See JSH 1:28 and D&C 59:21) It is my personal belief that the more our life is aligned with the Spirit, we will find more and more sin offensive and less and less righteousness offensive. Still, I've found no prophetic condemnation for where we are on this spectrum unless you count 3Ne 12:48/Matthew 5:48. Where I have seen plenty of consequential promise is in how we act based on our findings.

The Choice

What follows our interpretation of offense is a choice: to take offense or not to take offense. The most pronounced difference between these is to be found within the soul of the individual. When one takes offense or "is offended", the fruits resemble a feeling of resentment, bitterness, begrudgement (is that a word?), or anger. When one finds something offensive but does not take offense, the fruits resemble inner discomfort, physical sickness, sorrow, or a loving grief.

Why It Matters
The reason I bring this up is to dismiss the notion that we can excuse an offensive word or behavior by placing the blame on the one who finds it offensive. This blame casting changes our view of one who finds something offensive into one who has taken offense. Ironically then, we are likely to take offense because another person found our words or actions offensive, even if they never took offense themselves!

What I specifically want to observe though are the consequences that the potential offender often misinterprets when one finds offense, but does not take offense. Consider a moment something or someone you consider sacred. Perhaps it is something religious, perhaps it is a spouse or a parent, perhaps a child. If someone were to berate and openly blaspheme against that thing or person in ways that are utterly offensive to you, and you choose NOT to take offense, what will you do? How are you likely to behave? I would suggest that you would withdraw -- that you would remove yourself from the situation in some way because it saddens and/or hurts you.

Now reverse the roles; you said or did something that was offensive to another. You see them slowly withdraw in their relationship with you. Perhaps they "unfriend" you on Facebook, the nerve! Do you now take offense because you assume they took offense? Do you demean the person so as to justifiably dismiss the relationship? These are hard questions, but honest introspection can be a great blessing.

Conclusion
It comes down to this. It is possible to find something offensive and not take offense. The natural and common reaction in this situation is to seek to at least quarantine if not completely remove that which is offensive from our lives. When we offend God, even "the heavens withdraw themselves [and] the Spirit of the Lord is grieved" D&C 131:37.

Note then, that if you blatantly say or do offensive things, please do not blame others for wanting to distance themselves from you. It is not necessarily because they have taken offense but rather they are acting out of self-preservation, and you may find that they are grieved to do so.

A Vision of Hope

I am a dreamer. I always have been. My parents encouraged me to dream big my whole life long. Dreams take a lot of work, but they offer meaning, satisfaction, purpose, and hope.

As part of my work in REIC and, in particular, my desire to be sharing it with others (which is why I became an IBD, not the other way around), I was encouraged to create a vision for what I wanted to do. What really was my dream or vision in sharing REIC with others.

Since my LDS mission in Costa Rica, I have had a passion within me to participate with and serve the Latino community. I've been home over 10 years and I still think about Costa Rica more days than not. Anyway, to the point.

I realized that I wanted to share REIC with Latinos in this country. I know so many that work like crazy but can never seem to get ahead. It's sad how many seem to rent forever and ever. I can share financial independence and home ownership with these people. I can introduce them to a company that will help them get ahead.

In sharing this vision with some of my close family, one person suggested that I might write out exactly what I imagined a Hispanic family's path might be. This could help me envision what they might have to go through to get there and thus enable me to anticipate needs and better serve. So I did, and I am sharing it below. This story of course represents only one possibility. REIC can benefit people no matter where they are financially, but this seemed to match the type of family I hope to help.

I would love to hear any feedback from you on whatever, be it details that perhaps I missed, logistics I didn't consider, or perhaps the people in the story just don't feel real to you. Positive feedback is also welcome. At any rate, this is how I envision one Latino family's potential path toward financial independence; here is why I want so much to share this:

...in case I need to mention it for legal purposes, this is a fictional story that represents a possibility. No guarantees are implied here. It's my dream for someone's reality, not a promise of one.

Vision For a Hispanic Family Getting Ahead
The following story is about a fictional Latino family and their journey through REIC. It is assumed that they have obtained all needed legal paper work and have no need to fear deportation, loss of property, etc.

The Lopez family immigrated to the United States from Mexico in 2005. Sylvia, the Mother, has had a hard time picking up English in her seven years here. The Father, Juan, has picked it up a little better due to work. He can get around pretty well but he still struggles here and there. They have two children, Michelle who is 4 and Juan Luis who is 1.

Juan works a lot to support his family. He carries one full time job at a factory and a part time job doing janitorial work. They currently rent a small 2/1 condo in Provo. It seems that no matter what they do, they can not get ahead in life. Each time they start building their savings well, something happens that requires them to use it. It seems like an endless cycle of captivity.

One day in August of 2012, Juan saw a flyer about becoming an owner and landlord. The Lopezes have wanted to own their own home for a while, but, as mentioned, things seem to get in the way for them. Juan called me on a Tuesday evening between jobs and we set up a time on Saturday for him to come to my house to learn more. I invited him to bring his entire family.

On Saturday he showed up with his family, though a few minutes late. I presented to him the options available through Strongbrook REIC. I discussed with them right there the idea of purchasing a home with a basement apartment which they could rent out to cover their mortgage. The idea really resonated with them and they wanted to learn more. It was a bit of a blow when they saw the price tags to join REIC. At the moment they had only $2,000 saved up. He thought they could save up the next two thousand by the end of January.

In an effort to not let them lose track of this goal, I then introduced them to the Wealth Club. They felt that would be a good move for them and decided to join. After some work with cashflow counseling and due to the benefits they were getting, they were able to meet their goal of raising the $4,000 by the end of January. On Monday, February 4th, 2013 they purchased the basic, one-property PSA with REIC. They had mixed emotions because they were excited to get in and get started, but it felt a little bit like starting everything all over again. They now had to save up a down payment for a home.

I spoke more with Juan in February and we spoke about the IBD program. I explained that he could get his wealth club benefits for free if he signed up three others in the program. I also shared with him about how the commission structures worked. He caught onto the idea with a passion. By April he had enrolled four families in the wealth club and was receiving his silver plan for free. The commissions from them were also paying his IBD costs. Over the next few months, he enrolled another family about once a month.

It still took a while, but with the help of the IBD program and saving as best they could, they were able to qualify for their first home in another 14 months. It was on Thursday, June 19th, 2014 that they purchased their first home. It had a basement apartment that they were able to rent out by the end of July and the rent from it covered all but $50 of their monthly mortgage! They were no longer paying the $700 / month of rent; instead they paid only $50 for their mortgage! They were finally owners and starting to get ahead!

By now Sylvia was doing better with her English as she had been practicing hard. Michelle was now 6 and in first grade while Juan Luis had just turned 3. In July they also discovered that Sylvia was again pregnant!

Due to their new housing situation, Juan was able to quit his part time job and spend more time with his family. Even with that lost income, they were still immediately able to save $700 per month! In January of 2015 they upgraded their PSA with REIC to enable them to do three more property transactions. In early April of 2015 they had a new baby girl they named Isabela. During this time, Juan was promoted at his work. He had more energy from not working two jobs and his supervisors had noticed his improvement. Thanks to this, even after the expenses of having the baby, they were qualified in September to purchase another home.

In October of 2015 they again bought a home with a basement apartment which they had rented out by the end of the year. In this home, they basement rent covered the entirety of their new mortgage with seven dollars to spare. They were also able to rent out the home they moved from that December. At this point they owned two homes, paid no mortgage costs out of their own pocket, and were earning $663 per month in residual income.

In the spring of 2017, the Lopez family purchased a larger home with 6 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms which they used all for themselves. They again rented out the space they moved from and the income from the four rents covered the mortgage of their new home plus around $50 a month. In the summer of 2017, they sold their first home. With this money they upgraded to the unlimited property PSA agreement and were able to buy a third investment property, paying 20% down.

And thus they are on their way to becoming financially free. They enjoy a better quality of life, better familial relationships, and they are filled with optimism and hope. They are achieving the dreams they sought out by coming to this beautiful country.

Personal REIC Disclaimer

I posted earlier about REIC on this blog and how I'm not much of a salesman and such. While true, I have no sales experience (unless you count my LDS mission), I think telling myself "I'm not a salesman" or "I'm a bad salesman" etc. is poor self talk. Not having experience does not equate to being bad at something.

Also, I have now officially joined the REIC direct sales team. So while my two previous posts were created when I had no such affiliation, I thought it appropriate to state that now I do. Still, due to my aversion to sales, there is little that could persuade me to actively pursue this. I am doing things that are far beyond my comfort zone. It is because I believe very much that REIC can help people, no matter their current financial situation, to obtain financial freedom. In fact, if you can start before you become to "settled" into your current situation, the more quickly you'll be able to obtain that freedom.

Anyway, the main point of this post is to state that I know have joined the direct sales team which previously I knew little about.